Bite your tongue
by XSapphirexXxRoseX
Summary: What it would be like if Hidan and Kakuzu managed to have children. KakuHida. Mentions of MPreg but no actual Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Someone asked me to put a Prologue to this oneshot and here you go!

Prologue 

Inside a small and dimly lit room Kakuzu and Hidan were stood talking to a figure in the shadows.

"You two are to go to Kohona and steal a scroll of forbidden seals from the Hokage's office." The shadow, known as Leader-sama, ordered.

-x- Time skip -x-

"Kakuzu look at this." Hidan says, as he holds up a bottle containing glowing clear liquid, and Kakuzu continues looking through the bookcase not bothering to look up.

"Yeah, that's nice Hidan."

Said person decides to sit down on the floor cross legged. While bringing the bottle closer to his face to inspect it. _Hmmm, it glows. So cool!_

"Kakuzu? If it glows is it censored safe to drink?"

"Hmm, should be." He replies not even fully hearing the question.

"I'm thirsty so I'm going censored drink it."

"Okay Hidan. Once your done get back to looking for the scroll."

A few minutes later Kakuzu was stood straight and running the previous conversation through his head. _Glowing, Safe to drink? Thirsty! Oh shit!'_

He stood there for another few seconds, trying to figure how to get his body to work, then turned around just in time to see Hidan down the rest of the glowing liquid.

"Hidan you baka! Why did you drink it if it was glowing?"

"But, you censored said it was censored safe to drink it. Anyway, I feel censored fine!" After that short speech, Hidan, fainted.

-x- Time skip -x-

When Hidan came to, he was inside his and Kakuzu's shared room. Said person was lying next to him, with his arm thrown over Hidan's waist, and nuzzling his head into Hidan's neck.

Hidan decided to roll over so he was straddling Kakuzu, as he ran his hands over the mans bare chest.

"So what was in the censored bottle I drank?" He asked, as he was playing with Kakuzu's nipples, waiting for an answer.

"They don't know.." He lets out a small moan, ".. We have to wait and see if it has any side effects."

Kakuzu slides his hands up Hidan's thighs to his hips, and lightly massages there, before sliding them round to squeeze Hidan's bum, gaining a small squeak from the man.

"Dei-sempai, I didn't mean it!" Was all the couple heard before their bedroom door was thrown open and in came a ruffled up Tobi, due to the explosion that happened as he opened the door, and a few seconds later an angry Deidara.

Hidan's chin fell to his chest as he let out a small sign, "We always get censored interrupted."

Kakuzu just looked at the pair that just burst into his room and glared, "Get out of my room or I'll sue you!" _And it happens again. _

The pair left quickly, leaving the couple in the room. Who's mood was now shattered into a million pieces.

Kakuzu pulled Hidan to lay beside him and whispered in his ear, "We'll be able to do it one day with no interruptions."

He then gave the smaller man a quick peck on the lips before they went to sleep.

* * *

Please review, I'll give you cookies!


	2. Chapter 2

What it would be like if Hidan and Kakuzu managed to have children.

Kakuzu sat relaxing in his chair drifting off to sleep, enjoying the peace and quiet while he could. No children in the house, no Hidan to nag at him to clean up the children's mess. Kakuzu was having a lovely dream in which Hidan didn't end up drinking a weird looking drink when they were inside the Hokage's office, which in the long run played about with his insides so he could have children. It was a very nice dream indeed no children about and Hidan could not keep his hands off of him.

While this dream was going on, in the present day Hidan was outside with his youngest, which for some strange reason got named Hidan-junior. Junior at this moment in time was running around chasing a cat because he was bored. His 'mummy' was sat under a tree praying or attempting 'suicide' **again**.

All was well with today's part of life until junior got into a fight with the cat. Poor Kakuzu didn't get to see what hit him as the young boy stormed into the house.

"Stupid censored cat. I'm going to censored kill that censored cat. The censored thing won't censored see what censored hits it. I'll censored blow it censored up. Then we'll censored see who censored laughs censored at me again. I'll blow its censored brains out. Then I'll censored-"

"Bite your tongue!" Kakuzu interrupted the boys rant.

The boy looked at Kakuzu with a confused face, "Umm, okay. If you really want me to." _I thought he was against us following mommy__'__s religion. _Said boy bit down on his tongue and started running around the room screaming. "It hurt, it hurts, make it stop daddy!"

Kakuzu looked at the child like it had grown another head until Hidan came into the room to stop the screaming child.

"Hush baby, mummy's here. What wrong?" Hidan looked at the little ones mouth.

Junior stopped screaming and in between sobs told Hidan, "Daddy told me to censored bite my tongue. So I censored did, and it censored hurts. Make it censored stop please mommy." _Daddy__'__s going get it. Kukuku, but it still hurts. _

Hidan looked like he had just blown a fuse. He stood up to Kakuzu's level and screeched in his face, "Why the censored hell, did you censored tell him to bite his censored tongue. Are you censored stupid or censored what? He's only a censored child, so of course he's going to censored do what you censored tell him!" _Kuso and I thought I was thick. _

Kakuzu felt like he had been hit by a train, "It's not my fault that he has you foul mouth and inherited your brain. No-one else would have done that!"

"Well at least I have a censored brain, and a censored heart. You obviously don't censored have one if you tell him to censored bite his censored tongue. I should castrate you censored right know."

"Why? And I do have a brain, I'm highly intelligent, also you're right I don't have a heart I have five." _Beat that, ha. _

"Because I'm not censored letting you any where censored near me, so I don't get censored pregnant again, just so you can censored tell it to censored hurt themselves."

"If you castrate me that means no sex. I know you want me."

"I can do with censored out it. I don't censored need it all the censored time like you censored do."

"Please reconsider, baby, I won't ever tell him to bite his tongue again!"

Both of them never noticed when their son passed out from blood loss or when their other children took him to the hospital.

"No cause you still censored haven't gone to censored help him even after he was censored screaming."

"Neither have you. All you've done is stand hear and argue with me."

"Shut the censored up. You're censored wrong so don't censored blame it on me."

"Can we just help him now? We can argue after."

"Censored fine" Hidan looks for his son. "Umm… Where did he go?"

Kakazu blinked, "You lost him?"

"No I censored didn't lose him! Just… misplaced."

"That is the same damn thing!"

"Shut the censored up! And help me censored find him!"

One of their eldest children decided now would be the best time to walk into the room and then walk right back out after a vase that was aimed at Kakuzu's head missed and nearly hit her. She hid behind the door and poked her head through, "Umm… Mum, Dad."

Hidan looked at her then back to Kakuzu, Kakuzu looked at his daughter and smiled.

"What can we help with? Its going to have to wait though, we're looking for your younger brother."

"Yeah, ummm, I know where he is!" She shuffled her feet a little.

Hidan glared at her, "What did you censored do to him? Bet you censored burned him to the stake! Even though, that does sound okay, to me anyway. What did you do to my censored baby?"

"He's at the hospital, he's fine." She then left as quickly as possible so she didn't get in the way of probably another fight.

Kakuzu turned to face Hidan, _looks like I__'__m off the hook. _He thought to himself as he watches Hidan closely. "So baby, we going to the hospital?"

Hidan glared at the poor man, even though he is quite rich. _You think I__'__m going to let you off. Kukukuku, I don__'__t think so. _He smiles at Kakuzu, "Yes but afterwards your sleeping on the couch till I get bored."

* * *

Sorry for the weird story. Got bored one day so me and my sister where talking and she said something which made me think bite your tongue, but we all know if you do that you could die. So I thought what would happen if the person didn't die. That gave me the story.


	3. AN

This has nothing to do with my story but if anyone wants me to do any one-shots or maybe an actual story to do with any of the Naruto characters then just review with, :

The Pairings you want

What you basically want to happen, i.e. Naruto gets kidnapped falls in love with Itachi. Something along those lines.

If you don't want certain characters to appear in the story.

Any twists you want in it, i.e. Naruto is with Sakura then leaves her for Hinita.

And if you want it to be a one-shot or not. 

If you want to give me any more information like their pasts or ages or anything else that would be useful to. 

I write both Het and Yaoi couplings but I have never written Yuri, could always give it a go though


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